Moving to Football Faithful

I haven’t written here in over a year, I guess the corporate world has taken up more of my time than I anticipated. Anyways, for anyone who might still stop by I am starting a new site dedicated primarily to NCAA Football and the NFL. As nice as it was having the freedom to write about any sport, I feel that focusing my writing on just one sport will allow with the time to write while trapped in my corporate bubble.

If only college me could see me know… he would probably call me a douche and take some stabs at my sexuality. I was pretty immature back then, I still am but I was then too.

Anyway back to the point. Check out my new blog, I promise you’ll like it.

- KC Roberts

The Better Former First Overall: David Price or Stephen Strasburg

A little foreshadowing or am I just fucking with you? Trick question, I just couldn't find one with both...

In response to TM’s claim that I have no excuse for not posting: after moving into Toronto last week it wasn’t until Sunday that I got internet and had no way of posting anything. Plus I’m a little lazy.

So I guess I missed the memo about NFL Preview posts, luckily the best division in football, the NFC East, has not been vouched for yet so look out for an article previewing the Dallas Cowboys and the 3 other hardly relevant teams in the next few days. For now enjoy this little gem about a sport that is actually in-season.

The last two pitchers taken first overall, David Price (1st overall in 2007) and Stephen Strasburg (1st overall in 2009), have already established themselves as household names in just a few short years. Both have a five-pitch arsenal, can reach triple digits with their fastball, and are the best young pitchers in their respective conferences. But who is better? Comparing players is nothing new, but with nothing really going on in sports these days I figured I would take an early look at two players that will likely be compared often over the next decade.

There is no truly accurate way to compare the two pitchers so far (too small a sample size, NL vs. AL pitching, etc.). Luckily my articles don’t have to meet certain requirements that those at real sports sites enforce. As a result, I will use mostly subjective and irrelevant measures to decide who may, or may not, be the best former 1st overall pick.

Whoever said blogs are the bane of sports journalism obviously hasn’t visited our site…

Let the comparison begin:

Potential

Price: entering the league Price was a two-pitch player (fastball/changeup) but has developed a slider, curveball, and a four seem fastball. Price can reach 100 mph and has shown that he can control his pitches even when reaching triple digits. Price is closer to reaching his full potential at this point but his ceiling might be just a bit lower.

Strasburg: came into the league after three years in college just like Price but unlike Price, Strasburg already had five good pitches including an un-hittable slider that struck out almost everyone he faced in college. Strasburg is not a better pitcher than Price right now but has a slightly higher ceiling than Price.

Advantage: Strasburg

Current MLB Success

Price: pitched in the Rays 2008 playoff run out of the bullpen and was almost un-hittable on his way to a save in Game 7 of the ALCS. Was 10-7 in 2009, his first full year in the majors, and was the All-Star Game starting pitcher for the AL this year and currently sports a 15-5 record with an ERA of 2.85.

Strasburg: made his much anticipated debut earlier this year and has been very good so far. Strasburg leads the majors in K/9 with 12.16 and is 5-3 with a 2.97 ERA. He on par with where Price was last year but Price (who might win the AL Cy Young this year) is clearly the better pitcher now.

Advantage: Price

With limited data to support much more analysis this is where I should probably end the article… fuck it, I’ll find something to talk about.

Better Nickname

Price’s Nickname: Non-existent

Strasburg’s Nickname: Jesus

In any other situation I would go against the man without a nickname. I mean Price has been in the league for two years now and doesn’t have one distinguishing quality or oddity that would lead to a decent nickname? C’mon man. Fucking Berman will take any opportunity to give people nicknames, literally anything will do: Well Dressed Amani Toomer?!? But this is different. There is only one Jesus and his name is not Stephen, his name is Jesus muthafucking Shuttlesworth!

Advantage: Price (for the lesser of two evils)

Hotter Girl

David Price:

Stephen Strasburg:

I kinda meant who has the hotter girlfriend (or in Strasburg’s case, wife) but David Price’s drag attempt showing up in Google Images has kind of changed this section. At only 22 Stasburg is already married and while his wife Rachel Lackey is pretty hot, with a 4-year 15.1 million dollar deal to dangle in front of hot sluts at the bar he is wasting years of hot girls lining up to take turns. I guess it depends if you’re a Barney Stinson type or a bitch like Ted Mosby, but Strasburg definitely made the wrong call. However, Price’s decision to dress like a girl (for whatever reason) and lack of any evidence of him with hot girls (in my extremely brief Google search) means he is disqualified from this part.

Advantage: Strasburg (once again for the lesser of two evils)

Clearly, for reasons relevant and some not even close to relevant, there is no way to distinguish these two players at this point in their careers. Both are extremely talented now and have the potential to be the two best pitchers (if not players) in the major leagues. So, if this site is some how still in operation 5 years from now, I will give my updated report on this interesting rivalry of former first overall selections. But for now this was something to keep me busy and a glorified excuse to show a photo of David Price in women’s clothing.

But since I went into this article attempting to declare the better of the two I will name David Price the winner of this article. Mainly because I am personally a bigger fan of Price and as Bob Ryan said the other day on PTI, 80% of how sports journalists distinguish their opinions is based on if they like the guy or not.

So thanks for wasting 5-10 minutes on this entirely inconclusive article. I promise my NFC East article will be much more conclusive and contain more of those fact thingys that most people care so much about.

KC Roberts

Tags: david price, didn't mean to push TM's article down my bad, entirely inconclutive, I probably should have waited a couple years to write this, Stephen Strasburg

2010 NFL Preview: St. Louis Rams

Before we get down to business, let’s all give RM Franks a hand for dropping by yesterday to grace us with his signature combination of overzealous profanity and veiled homosexuality.  Always a treat.  If we’re lucky he might come back to preview another division, and to drop more pop culture references that make even Simmons think, “Wow…this guy watches too many movies.”

But moving on…how about that face up there?  That’s a face that inspires confidence, no?  That’s the kind of face that can make a fan base forget a dreadful 1-15 season, is it not?

Yeah, you’re right…probably not.  Let’s preview the NFL’s doormats, the St. Louis Rams.

Key Additions: There’s two problems with this section for the Rams.  First of all, when you’re as bad as the Rams, every new player is a key addition.  There is no one out there that can make this team worse.  They could trot Basil Marceux out there at the wide receiver spot, and the coaches would probably be impressed with his energy level.  They were that bad.  So, I was going to go through the roster and list every new player on the Rams as a key addition, which would have undoubtedly resulted in uproarious laughter from both of our readers.  Unfortunately, this plan hit a snag when I realized I had absolutely no idea who was on the Rams last year, thus making it nearly impossible to pick out the new additions.  I didn’t make a point to watch much of the Rams 1-15 masterpiece of a season, so aside from a few of their “stars”, I’m pretty unfamiliar with their roster.

All of this is to say…Sam Bradford.  Sam Bradford is the key addition.

Key Losses:  Again, when you’re coming off a 1-15 season, it’s hard to consider any losses from that team “key”.  Unless that player was totally responsible for the 1 win, or is named Steven Jackson, he’s probably expendable.

(By the way, it was pointed out to me by Cardinals superfan Nedward Schneebly that I missed a couple key additions in the last preview.  That is absolutely true, and I will likely continue to overlook key additions and losses in the future.  My method for these consists of trying to remember the key additions and losses off the top of my head, and then if that fails, briefly looking at the roster.  I’m not what you would call a research-intensive blogger.  If you would like to complain about any oversights, feel free to do so in the comments.  I know you won’t.)

Why They Will Suck:

Recognize these gentlemen?  On your right is Jason Smith, last year’s second overall pick.  On your left is Chris Long, the second overall pick the previous year.  Both went to the Rams.  Both have, shockingly, been underwhelming at best.  The 3 years prior to that, the Rams drafted players in the first round who have since been essentially given away.  Their last remotely successful first round pick was Steven Jackson in 2004.  There is a clear pattern here…top draft picks do not make a habit of succeeding in St. Louis.  So, naturally, the Rams figured they would put the future of the franchise (and a whooole bunch of cash) on the injured shoulders of a guy who was considered the top talent in this draft class by absolutely no one.  Genius!

Best Name on the Roster: Some very strong competitors (word to rookie TE Michael Hoomanawanui), but I’ve got to give it to C.J. Ah You from Rancho Cucamonga, CA.  That’s a name that offers endless wordplay potential, and the city that Ice Cube relocated to in Next Friday.  Good enough for me!

Celebrity Fan:  Howie Long…I guess?  Rush Limbaugh tried to buy them.  So there’s that.  I don’t know, man.  It’s the Rams.  They don’t have actual celebrity fans, and I’m sure as hell not going to come up with something clever just for their sake.  So, we’re going with Howie Long.

Offseason Controversy:  Again, the Rams insignificance makes this kind of tough.  If Danny Amendola got liquored up and drove around with a car full of underaged, transgender hookers opening fire on pedestrians, people in St. Louis would be like, “Well, did the Cards win?”  As far as I can tell, the only thing the Rams did that anyone cared about all offseason was draft Chuckles up there instead of noted sea lion enthusiast Ndamukong Suh.

On one hand, almost every talent evaluator considered Suh to be the best player available in this year’s draft.  On the other hand, that sea lion is looking mighty unimpressed with the big defensive tackle.

The Rams went with the sea lion on this one.

Random Stuff That May Well Not Interest You:  Blowing by this section for the Rams.  There’s nothing about this team that interests even me, and I’m so easily amused that I devoted a section of my preview to funny names.

Correcting Stupid Quotes From Training Camp:

Coach Steve Spagnuolo on Jason Smith’s struggles: “I don’t think there’s any concern there.  He played well there over on the right side about four or five games in the middle of the season last year so hopefully he can get back in that groove.”

Coach Steve Spagnuolo on Jason Smith’s struggles: “I don’t think there’s any concern there.  He played well there over on the right side about four or five games in the middle of the season last year.  All he has to do now to justify his draft position and salary is play four times as many good games on the much more demanding left side.  Why would I possibly be concerned?”

ESPN’s Mike Sando on Sam Bradford’s Preseason debut: “Bradford said his shoulder felt fine afterward. More evidence the shoulder was fine: In the locker room, veteran starter A.J. Feeley repeatedly slapped Bradford on the shoulder to congratulate him on his first NFL action.”

I’m not even going to cleverly re-word that to make it funny.  That is one of the most downright ridiculous things I have EVER read in relation to a sports injury.  Sam Bradford just left an NFL Football field, where he played a game of full contact NFL Football, during which he was repeatedly tackled by NFL Football players.  Tackled so many times, in fact, that literally the entire premise of Sando’s story is Sam Bradford being tackled too much due to a lack of protection.  But we all know that any old shoulder can take a 300 lb lineman slamming it into the ground.  What the real medical experts want to know is how it holds up to being slapped repeatedly in a congratulatory manner.  This is how we can truly deduce the health of a shoulder.

Can you imagine if the shoulder didn’t hold up after the congratulatory slap from AJ Feeley?  That would be very St. Louis Rams of it.

Vegas Over/Under Line: 5

TM Williamson Prediction: Under.  Under under under under.  This is a LOCK, people.  I’m serious.  Bet your house, your car, you wife, your children, and your pets on this.  This team won one game last year and their only notable addition was a rookie QB.  Now, that’s not to say that Sam Bradford isn’t going to help this team.  He will.  But look at Detroit last year.  Their major upgrade was a rookie QB as well, and most agreed that they developed nicely over the year and started heading in the right direction.  Last year was a relative success for the Detroit Lions.  They won 2 games.  And that’s what it’s going to be like for the Rams this year.  They aren’t going to win 5 games.  They’ll be lucky to win 3.  But they’ll have players like Bradford, like James Laurinitis, like Donnie Avery, that will show some really good flashes and will give this team some hope moving forward.  And maybe, just maybe, someday people will pick the over on 5 wins.

Tags: Brett Farve, NFL Previews, sam bradford, St. Louis Rams, Steven jackson, this post has nothing to do with him but our number one hit source right now is people googling the wrong spelling of brett favre, TM Williamson

NFL Previews – AFC EAST: Beauty and the Beast

"BRANNDOONNNN MAAARRRRSHALLLLLLLLL!!!!!"

Unfortunately this division does not have too much competition. The Buffalo squad has dominated the AFC East for the past ten years now and I don’t see too much changing. Marshawn Lynch’s 2000 yard season last year really put them over the…HEY, GET OUTTA HERE TM WILLIAMSON, YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!!! GO FINISH YOUR ST. LOUIS RAMS PREVIEW OR SOME SHIT!!

Sorry about that, TM’s just pissed about me wiping the floor with him in fantasy last season. Back to the matter at hand however. The fact is, the AFC east really is a competitive division, with the Jets and Patriots as the two obvious frontrunners. Once again, the Miami Mediocrity, and the Buffalo “just trying to pay our” Bills should bring nicely up the rear…(no homo?)

But for the first time since Tom Brady has been the starter in New England, the New York Jets are the preseason favorites in this division. Let us examine why:

First and foremost, the DEFENSE. The Patriots defended runs last season about as well as my Grandpa after some Welch’s prune juice. Yeah, things got messy. When I woke up on Wildcard Sunday last year to cheer on my Patriots and pray they stomp all over the Ravens, the goddam info on my program guide already said “Watch Ray Rice ass-pump these unprepared fucks on a beautiful day at Gillette Stadium!” when I flipped to the channel. I kid, but not really. The game was over before it started. The Ravens could run, the Patriots could not tackle. The Ravens could throw, Brandon Merriweather could not do shit.

Quick! Patriots roll call: Leigh Bodden? Here. Devin McCourty? Here. Assante Samuel?…. Samuel? ….Samuel?…. Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? You get my point. But just in case you don’t: WE NEED TO PICK IT UP ON THE DEFENSIVE SIDE OF THE FOOTBALL FELLAS!

Tully Banta-Cain is not in this picture

The Jets on the other hand ranked fucking 1st in almost every significant defensive category. They have the best cornerback in football, a defensively-minded coach who has instilled a nasty mentality into his players, and a linebacking crew that can hang with the best of em. This defense was downright scary and is only moreso this season with some new acquisitions (barring Revis plays). But Darrelle Revis, Bart Scott, Sean Ellis, Calvin Pace, Antonio “keep ya dick in ya pants” Cromartie are all elite players when at the top of their games, and when in fact keeping their dicks in their pants.

"Which one's my daughter?"

So why is this division subtitled the Beauty and the beast? Well let us not forget the true beauty that was 2008. Tom Brady threw 50 touchdowns, Randy Moss caught 22 of them, and the team went undefeated except for one meaningless game in February, some fuckin Tostitos bowl or something. ANYWAY, the point is that on the offensive side of the ball, the personnel responsible for that magnificent offensive orgy remain in tact. Wes Welker, Randy and Tom. The big three. The three amigos. The three musketeers. Threes company. The perfect night in bed. WOAH, WHAT!? The three wisemen. In all honesty, while the Patriots could very well have a mediocre 8-8 season and get fuckin torched on defense again, this offense is the lifeblood of the team and in many ways of the NFL (I dono how or why). If this offense gets going again, magical things happen. Undefeated things. Record breaking things.

So where does “the beast” fit in? What’s uglier than a 2nd year QB who put up below-average rookie numbers, a 2nd year halfback who’s never heard of triple digit carries, and a receiving corp that consists of all braun and no brains? Braylon Edwards and Santonio Holmes? That’s like Pineapple Express on a football field. And Mark Sanchez is gonna be directing this movie. Sketch? Yah, sketch.

There are of course two other teams in this division, so lets do a quick briefing. Bottom line, The Miami Dolphins could be competitive, the Bills will not. Miami has a team that is in every way ready to break out. Their non-skill positions are top-rank other than perhaps the defensive line, their run game is two-headed, moves like a wildcat, and smokes that kush. Their season comes down whether or not Chad Henne can ball like swoosh. Henne did show some very impressive flashes last season and they were definitely a squad that was to be reckoned with week in and week out, even though their record was average. They were up 3 scores on the Saints last season before halftime in one game, but then blew it. It kinda fit them perfectly. They’re dangerous and damn skilled, and Brandon Marshall makes them that much better. Also, could you imagine B-Marsh and the wildcat? That could be more dangerous o’ duo than Donte Stallworth and a goddam motor vehicle. WOOOOO!!!!!

Here’s the reality of the situation: The Jets will most likely win the division. Vegas says so, and who the fuck am I to argue with all those amazing buffets and titties that seem to know so much about football. BUT,  the AFC East has three very exciting teams, three contenders, and two teams who could win the Superbowl. It will be one to keep an eye on and certainly one with some story. Not to mention, Tom Brady’s so fuckin hot.

Excuse me. Thank you.

2010 NFL Preview: Arizona Cardinals

It's entirely possible that Matt Leinart is the worst quarterback in this picture

The NFC West is horrible.  Just abysmal.  So, I figure I’ll get these glorified CFL teams out of the way early and then hit the real money divisions as the season grows closer.  There may or may not be a special guest swinging through in the next couple weeks to enlighten you on a couple of divisions that are near and dear to his heart, so stay tuned for that.

Let’s start with last year’s division champions, the Arizona Cardinals.

Key Additions: Kerry Rhodes, I guess.  But most importantly…PEEZY!  The NFC West had best be prepared for a mouf fixin’!

Key Losses: Anquan Boldin, Kurt Warner (and thus the support of his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ).  So, you know, just 2 of their only 3 good offensive players.  No biggie.

Why They Will Suck: 

They went from an MVP candidate under centre to this guy.  What could he possibly be attired for in that picture?  There is quite literally no situation where a suit without socks or shoes is appropriate.  He’s going for a beach walk while wearing a suit, or something, I guess?  Regardless, Matt Leinart has at no point in his career shown that he is capable of effectively running an NFL offense.  He has routinely shown that he is capable of doing his hair and flashing smiles for the camera, but unfortunately that only translates to NFL success if the rest of your team makes up for your complete ineptitude.

Best Name on the Roster: Offensive Guard Rex Hadnot.  His receiving stats are curious, as he was somehow able to amass -2 yards in 2007, despite the fact that Rex Hadnot caught one pass.  (Thank you, thank you…I’ll be here all week)

Celebrity Fan: Ned Schneebly.  Wattup, Ned?

Offseason Controversy: Darnell Dockett took a shower on UStream to win a $1,000 bet.  I would like to take this opportunity to extend the following question to whoever made that bet with Dockett: why, man?  Seeing your friend get naked on camera is worth $1,000 to you?  If you’re throwing money around on these kind of wagers, you need to contact friend of the site RM Franks.  He would’ve done it for a nickel.  Oh, and there was this.  Forcibly sodomizing transgenders rarely ends well.  Or so I hear.

Random Stuff That May Well Not Interest You:  Hey, it’s former Winnipeg Blue Bomber Stevie Baggs!  Oh, pardon me…Steve Baggs.  Guy gets an NFL contract and suddenly he’s too class to include an “i” in his name?  Just when you think you know somebody…

Not at all interesting fact about Stevie Baggs: He is the single most duckfooted person I have ever seen in real life.  It’s really quite astounding.

Correcting Stupid Quotes from Training Camp: 

Quarteback Matt Leinart on Breaston: “He’s one of those players you love having on your team. He’s … just Steve.”

Quarterback Matt Leinart on Breaston: “He’s one of those players you absolutely expect to have on your team.  He’s…just a slightly above average second wide receiver.”

Coach Ken Whisenhunt on Matt Leinart:  “Let’s be clear,” Whisenhunt said. “My expectation is Matt is the guy.”

Coach Ken Whisenhunt on Matt Leinart: “Let’s be clear,” Whisenhunt said.  “My expectation is a 6-10 season.”

Vegas Over/Under Line:  7.5 wins

TM Williamson Prediction:  Under.  This team has eaten off the passing offense for the last two years, and last year even that wasn’t that great, ranking 12th in the NFL.  Their defense was below average against the run and the pass, although the addition of a strong pass rusher in Peezy and a solid safety in Rhodes should bolster the pass defense.  Really though, their inability to establish the run game (28th in the league last season) will be their downfall.  Teams will guard against the pass all day, and losing Warner and Boldin will make it a lot more difficult to pick those defenses apart.  Unless Beanie Wells can really break out this season, the Cards will fall back below .500.

Tags: Arizona Cardinals, beer bonging skill doesn't transfer well to the football field, Darnell Dockett, Joey Porter, Larry Fitzgerald, Matt Leinart, Ned Schneebly, NFL, NFL Previews, seriously is matt leinart the biggest douche in the league or what?, TM Williamson

Stop Talking, Littlefoot. Stop it Right Now.

I’m not even going to bother with a well written, humorous intro here.  I know I’m supposed to do an NFL preview today, but the baby brontosaurus who at one point was thought to be the centrepiece of the Toronto Raptors franchise continues to crane his long neck around the United States looking for microphones.  When he finds microphones, he speaks into them.  As we’ve learned over the past few months, Littlefoot tends to come off as a delusional, self absorbed jackass when he speaks.  And guess what?  He’s at it again!

“If you think about how many times somebody asks you, ‘How are you,’ that’s how many times I was asked, ‘Where you going?” said Bosh, who was in Manhattan Wednesday to unveil his Got Milk! advertisement. “So it’s like, well, in my case, I’m going to have fun with it. I’m going to play with people’s emotions. I’m going to be high and low.”

You’re going to have fun playing with people’s emotions?  What are you, one of the Plastics?  This isn’t a junior high girls locker room, you moron.  You’re not stringing along two different boys that asked you to prom here.  NBA teams are offering you millions of dollars for your services, and how you respond to those overtures could greatly impact the future of these massive organizations.

For example, remember when you repeatedly told the Toronto Raptors that they had every chance to retain your services after the 2010 season?  And in response the Raptors signed veteran players to questionable contracts, hoping to put the best team possible around you, when in reality they should have dealt you as soon as possible and began a proper rebuilding process with a young core?  Highs and lows…playing with people’s emotions…you must have had a blast!  Unfortunately, in the midst of this thrill ride, you left the team that drafted you and allowed you to blossom into a star player high and dry.  You left them in rebuild mode, but with Hedo Turkoglu on the roster.  You left them with an effing trade exception rather than a legitimate package of picks and players that they could have received for you at the deadline.  You left them, for lack of a better phrase, up shit’s creek without a paddle.  For Raptors fans and the Raptors organization, that process was about as fun as being forced to watch “First Ink“.  But hey, good times for you, right?  I just hope you remembered to return our emotions to the toy box after you played with them.

And are you not aware why everyone constantly asked you where you were going?  As floral pattern enthusiast Don Cherry would say, “it’s not exactly rocket surgery.”  You’re an accessibility whore.  You tweet relentlessly about the most inane, unimportant things.  You make Youtube videos pimping yourself for All-Star votes (It’s funny because he’s not actually a hick!  He’s just pretending to be one!  I know, right?  Genius!)  You produced a DVD with a premise so horrible that I couldn’t even finish reading the description, let alone actually watch it.  You make every effort to connect with people, so of course people are going to try and connect with you.  You tweeted something along the lines of “Where should I go next year?” during the NBA Finals.  You actually did that.  How can you POSSIBLY expect anything less than a million people asking you the same question?

Chris Bosh’s reaction to this, apparently, was “For the past five years I’ve gone over the top in every conceivable way to connect with my fans.  Now, those same fans are keenly interested in an action that I am about to take.  Not a video, or a tweet, or an absolutely horrible DVD, but an actual action that will greatly impact my career as a professional basketball player.  Now is the time that I can put my strong relationship with my fanbase to its best possible use.  And I will do so by granting them absolutely no legitimate access whatsoever, but will drop meaningless hints to them in order to play with their emotions.  Watch for my new DVD coming out in October!”

Wonderful.  What a guy.  Let’s get back to the real Bosh quotes.

“It’s entertaining to see people react to your real emotions because if it wasn’t fun I wouldn’t do it.”

Despite this pleasure, Bosh said he seriously considered joining the Knicks because, ironically, “I took a meeting and I wouldn’t waste anybody’s time.”

You wasted EVERYBODY’S time.  You knew you were going to Miami, thus EVERY SINGLE OTHER MEETING YOU TOOK was a waste of EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THAT MEETING’S time.  You wasted the Knicks time, you wasted the Raptors time, you wasted the Bulls time, you wasted the time of every writer who wrote a column about where you might go next season, you wasted the time of whoever supplied food and beverage to those meetings, you wasted the time of whoever was in charge of security for the building that those meetings were in, and you are currently wasting my time because you have angered me to the point that I have to write 1,000 words about this.

But hey, good times, right?  Barrel of laughs for you and the rest of the Longnecks in the Great Valley, no?

“I could handle playing anywhere,” he said. “We’re talking about basketball. I could play basketball anywhere. If they said the NBA has a team in Antarctica, it would be like, ‘Well, I’m in Antarctica but it’s going to be alright.’ That’s how much I love basketball. I could play anywhere.”

I don’t know…you don’t think it might smell or feel a bit different in Antarctica?

But seriously, shipping Littlefoot off to Antarctica?  Now that sounds like fun.

Tags: chris bosh, don't pretend like you didn't see Mean Girls too, he constantly tweets about how awesome Entourage is, Kazaam >>>> First Ink, Littlefoot, shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up, TM Williamson

Uh-Oh

I really hope he doesn’t actually mean everyone…

Apologies for the lack of posting lately.  Things like “work” and “socializing” have taken precedence over updating this not for pay blog that no one reads.  KC has no such excuses, as he is unemployed, and his idea of socializing is hooking up the headset so he can talk to his online Madden opponent.  You’ll have to ask him what’s up for yourself.

There is also NOTHING interesting happening in sports right now.  It’s depressing.  There’s literally nothing going on that I want to write about.

Tiger sucking?  Sure, that was fun.  And his goatee certainly looked stupid.  But it’s golf, man.  I like to think I’m a relatively talented writer, but I’m sure as hell not talented enough to write an entire post on golf that’s actually entertaining.

Ilya Kovalchuk’s contract?  Well, this is why we love sports, is it not?  Drawn out legal battles involving a millionaire team owner and millionaire general manager who are trying to pay millions of dollars to a millionaire player and his millionaire representatives, but are being hassled by the millionaire commissioner because he doesn’t believe that the contract adheres to the rules originally set by the rest of the millionaire owners and the millionaire representatives of the rest of the millionaire players.  Labour dispute fever…catch it!

NBA Offseason News?  Uh…congratulations Anthony Tolliver, I suppose.  This is quite literally the most important thing that has happened in the NBA over the past couple weeks.  And while I am generally prone to hyperbole, I swear I am using the word “literally” literally here.  As in, I honestly believe that Tim Duncan swimming with Santa Claus and beluga whales while wearing a custom made wetsuit will have a greater impact on the upcoming NBA season than Tracy McGrady signing with the Pistons.

Baseball?  The Jays are out of it and I don’t play fantasy baseball.  Wake me up in October.  (I was going to make a joke about waking me up for some J.P. Arencibia at-bats in the meantime, but then I noticed he went 0-4 last night with two Ks.  That’s not what I need to be seeing.  So again, wake me up in October.)

Luckily, NFL training camps are underway, which gives us all a chance to hilariously overreact to mildly positive news about our favorite teams 3rd string quarterback (Joe Webb has larger than average hands!  Surely this means he will be dominant when he sees the field for a total of 5 minutes in blowout games this year!  Begin construction on his Hall-of-Fame bust immediately!)  So, with the NFL regular season less than a month away, I’m going to start rolling out NFL team previews.  Because, I mean, I’ve got to do something, right?

These aren’t going to be standard NFL team previews, because if they were, you wouldn’t read them.  The Scheft is cruising a bus around all the NFL training camps and providing updates right now.  How am I supposed to compete with that?  First of all, the Trueball expense account wouldn’t cover it (KC blew the whole thing on a cardboard cutout of Sherron Collins and an industrial-sized tub of lube).  Secondly, I have no interest whatsoever in attending Bucs, or Rams, or Jaguars, or any number of other boring teams training camps.  If I really want to see football played poorly, I don’t even have to leave my own city.  These previews will focus less on the Xs and Os and roster moves, and more on hilariously named players, offseason arrests, stupid quotes, and reasons why each and every one of your favorite teams will fail to live up to expectations this year.  I will then conclude with what will likely be a 5,000+ word tribute to the 2010-2011 Tennessee Titans, explaining why they are the greatest team ever assembled, and discussing which Titan is most likely to win the 2011 Super Bowl MVP. 

So yeah…that’s what I’ve got coming down the pipeline.  Look forward to it.  Until then, I’ll be laying low at an undisclosed location.  If Lebron is indeed on the hunt, I can’t be too careful.

FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE

The folks over at The Viking Age help us make critical distinction

So, we give you back to back KC Roberts posts, and our hit count takes a nosedive.  Coincidence?  Entirely possible…I have literally no idea what usually drives hits to this place.  But I know what’s going to drive hits today!

IT’S FAVRE-FEST 2010 BABY!!!!! 

/sits back

/watches hits skyrocket due to “Brett Favre” Googling

/collects enormous cheque from non-existant advertising partners

Now, as longtime readers know, I hate Brett Favre.  Of all the people in the world that I have never met (and there are a few), I hate Brett Favre the most.  More than Vince Carter, more than Peyton Manning, more than every Toronto Maple Leafs fan, more than people who wear old NBA jerseys without recognizing their significance (Do you even know who Bryant Reeves is, pal?  I WILL NOT STAND IDLY BY WHILE BIG COUNTRY IS MOCKED!!)

As a card-carrying Favre hater, this is usually the worst time of the year for me.  By this time, people have forgotten about the annual back breaking interception that Favre threw to torpedo his teams chances at winning a playoff game, and have gotten all hot and bothered about Favre’s potential return.  Favre, of course, is more than happy to play this game, waiting until training camp is over late in the summer to make his “decision” about whether or not to play every year.  It’s tailor made for ESPN special coverage (sound familiar?), and it’s an absolute farce that I consider an emberassment to Favre, the NFL, the teams involved, and the media outlets tripping over themselves to update us on every minute aspect of Favre’s life during this “decision”.

Luckily, the Favre news in the past couple days has been outstanding.  Not outstanding for Vikings fans, or for Favre apologist fanboys who are happy to overlook his flaws (football and otherwise) because they just can’t help but love a guy who is having that much fun out there.  No, these two pieces of news were outstanding for me and the rest of the Favre Hater Nation.  Let’s discuss.

Favre is “Retiring”

I put it in quote because I don’t believe it.  Neither does Florio.  So the internet’s top two football sources agree on that.  Regardless though, whether he comes back or not, this “retirement” makes him come off as both an attention whore and a bad teammate.

If he actually is retiring, and asses around the Vikings facility do indeed go unslapped throughout 2010, consider the timeline.  Favre hurt his ankle in the Vikings last game of the season, a (glorious, glorious) playoff loss to the Saints.  He then opted to not tell anyone, including the Vikings, that his ankle was hurt, contemplated his retirement for a few months, then saw a doctor and determined that surgery would be necessary if he wanted to play again.  This was in like, April or May.  So essentially, his season ended in January, he chilled for a couple months, and then decided that maybe it would be worth it to get that ankle checked out just in case he wanted to play again.  If I were a Vikings fan, I would be furious about this.  He knew he was going to consider coming back, yet he waited three months to get his injured ankle checked out.  Given that getting his ankle checked out was a vital step in continuing his football career, why wouldn’t he do that, you know, immediately?  And now, lo and behold, the ankle isn’t holding up.  What a surprise!  Maybe if he could make ANY DECISION WITHIN A REASONABLE TIMEFRAME this could have been avoided.

On the other hand, I am of the view that he will still, in fact, be back with the Vikings this year.  Favre “retired” yesterday via text messages to his teammates informing them of the decision.  I am of the opinion that this was an outright lie, and he has every intention of coming back. (If he does come back, and you think that he legitmately changed his mind between now and the start of the season, I’ve got some oceanfront property in downtown Winnipeg that you might be interested in)  If that is the case, then Favre has essentially lied to his teammates in order to gain leverage over the Vikings organization, presumably in an effort to make more money and/or miss more of training camp.  This, to me, does not exactly qualify Favre for teammate of the year.

“Hey guys, I know I told you all personally that I was retiring, but that was all just a plan I put together so I could make even more money than you do while working less.  Go team!”

So, yeah…either way, not a good look for Favre.

But at the moment, Brett may not be too concerned about how his “retirement” is making him look.  That’s because the next piece of news is, unbelievably, a much, much worse look for Favre.

“Brett Favre Once Sent Me Cock Shots”

Uh-ohhhhhh.  That isn’t a Deanna Favre quote, by the way.

There’s not really anything humorous for me to add here.  Brett Favre took pictures of himself and sent them to a woman that wasn’t his wife.  That is a bad thing to do.  I assume this story is going to develop further, and I’ll wait before commenting too much, but I will say this.  As much as I feel sorry for his wife and kids that this kind of stuff goes public, I’m pretty excited about this, and can’t wait for the official statements and media coverage to start coming out.  There should be a full compliment of columns blaming the whole thing on Daulerio and blogs in general, which will be fun. 

“What happened to privacy?  Since when does a man have to be worried about sending cell phone pictures of his penis to a woman that isn’t his wife?  I miss the days when you could send a cell phone picture of your penis to anyone, without the blogs ruining it for everyone.”

Who do you think will be the first to write that?  Wilbon?  I bet it will be Wilbon.

Tags: Brett Favre, Favre Fest 2010, i hate him like he took my mother out for a nice dinner and never called her, minnesota vikings, NFL, OMG BRETT FAVRE DID SOMETHING, shameless attempts to drive traffic, Tarvaris Jackson rides again

An Attempt to Justify the Brett Wallace Trade

As you might know by now, half of the dynamic duo that makes up Trueball resides in the lovely metropolis of Toronto. You know, the one that “ was different… [you] could feel it, you could look at it, you can smell it. Everything. All your senses tell you you’re somewhere different.” That city. My home. And the home of another franchise that, like the Raptors, is making headlines for trading away a key piece of their team. The Toronto Blue Jays.

In a move that surprised most experts the Toronto Blue Jays traded Brett Wallace, a player billed as the incumbent franchise  first baseman, for 19-year old center fielder Anthony Gose. Following the announcement of the trade, the gentlemen over at Drunk Jays Fans managed to get an interview with outraged fan D’Angelo from the hit series The Wire. D’Angelo, a resident of Baltimore, spurned his local team, the Orioles, and has been a Jays fan since the days of O-dog, ex-Jays second baseman and noted G.

While not as devastated as my boi D’Angelo, I have been struggling to understand the basis of this trade. How is this possibly good for the Blue Jays? Below is my attempt to justify this trade and Alex Anthopoulos’ decision making:

1) Brett Wallace kinda looks like a douche. I have no way to back that up in any way, I just think the kid looks kinda douchey. And do we really want a douche as one of the future franchise players of our team? Didn’t think so. Just look at him in the photo above. That, my friends, is what you call a pedo-smile. Alex Anthopoulos is just trying to save the innocent children of Toronto.

2) The kid supposedly hated Toronto. Sound familiar? (see Littlefoot speaks on Toronto, and shows why he won’t be missed) With the wound of Chris Bosh’s Toronto bashing still fresh I think its smart to trade away a player that might not like the city he will be playing in. This way Anthopoulos gets a guy he likes and Wallace won’t get the opportunity to peace Toronto the second he’s a free agent.

3) Brett Wallace, despite the hype and praise from publications like Baseball America, hasn’t lived up to his expectations so far in Toronto’s farm system. During his two seasons in the Pacific Coast League (PCL), Wallace has an OBP of .357 and an OPS of .841, which seems impressive until you remember that he’s playing in the PCL. The average OBP and OPS in the PCL is .345 and .771 respectively. Not to mention 4 other players on his team this year (Arencibia, Lubanski, Emaus, and Hoffpauir) have a higher OPS than Wallace. Add in that his WARP has been hovering between 0-1 his whole career and you start to wonder if he was worth all that hype.

4) This confirms that Lind is likely moving to 1B next year, which makes room for Bautista or Snider (whoever isn’t in RF) to play in the DH spot. Brett Wallace was nothing special at 1B (9.40 RF/G) and Lind is a definite upgrade over Wallace at the plate right now.

5) Anthony Gose, 19, will be 24 when current center fielder, Vernon Wells, comes off the books at the end of the 2014 season. If Gose develops the way that Anthopoulos feels he will then he should take over for Wells in CF by 2015 and hopefully develop into the leadoff hitter. Last year Gose stole 76 bases so he obviously has jets, but with a TAv of .202 and WARP of -3.6 in 2009 he clearly needs to develop his skills in the batters box before we can endorse him as the future CF of the Jays.

6) Every single move Anthopoulos has made since he was named the GM of the Jays has been ball bustingly fantastic. Alex Gonzalez for Yunel Escobar is looking like the steal of the year, and don’t forget it was Anthopoulos that signed Gonzalez in the first place. Add in signing John Buck, Fred Lewis, and the Halladay deal (which was the best we could have hoped for) and the guy is batting 1.000 so far when it comes to his transactions. I can’t fucking doubt this guy.

So there it is, my attempt to rationalize the Brett Wallace trade. Lets hope this Gose kid pans out!

-KC Roberts

Tags: Anthony Gose, Brett Wallace, MLB, Toronto Blue Jays, trade

MLB Trade Deadline 2010

With only 2 days until the first trade deadline of the MLB season (first because after the deadline players can still be traded using the waiver until Aug. 31^st) many teams have already made significant moves to bolster their team for a playoff run.

July 9^th: Seattle Mariners trade Cliff Lee and Mark Lowe to the Texas Rangers for Justin Smoak and prospects Blake Beaven, Josh Lueke, and Matt Lawson

July 25^th: Arizona Diamondbacks trade Dan Haren to the LA Angels for Joe Sanders and prospects Rafael Rodriguez, Patrick Corbin, and a player to be named

July 29^th: Houston Astros trade Roy Oswalt to the Philadelphia Phillies for J.A Happ and two prospects to be named

Most analysts focus on the trade deadline as a chance for teams fighting for a playoff spot to add more veteran assets, increasing their chances of winning in the playoffs. While this is true, journalists get too caught up in the excitement of the playoff race and praise the GMs who make these kinds of deals, no matter the impact it may have on a team’s long term success. This short sighted mentality of journalists and many major league GMs make the trade deadline the perfect opportunity for savvy GMs to make deals that, in retrospect, appear extremely one sided. Just look at a couple of the big trade deadline moves from 2009:

July 31^st, 2009: San Diego Padres trade Jake Peavy to the Chicago White Sox for Clayton Richards, Aaron Poreda, Adam Russell, and Dexter Carter

This trade is hard to bash because, in my opinion, Jake Peavy is one of the most talented pitchers in the league. Peavy has a career 1.19 WHIP and a strikeout to walk ratio of 3.1, which outweighs his career winning percentage of 58% (hindered as a result of playing on bad Padres teams). However, Ken Williams gave up WAY too much to get Peavy, who has been injured for the majority of his White Sox career. Clayton Richards, 8-5 for the division leading Padres this year, has a WHIP of just 1.36 and at just 26 is still developing. Aaron Poreda, only 23, has a WHIP of 1.29 and a K/BB ratio of 2 over three seasons of AA and Adam Russell, 27, has an identical WHIP of 1.29 and K/BB ratio of 2 in three seasons of AAA.

July 31^st, 2009: Seattle Mariners trade Jarrod Washburn to the Detroit Tigers for Luke French and Mauricio Robles

This trade is so one-sided it is hard to understand what David Dombrowski, GM of the Tigers, was thinking when he put this deal through. At the time the Tigers were at the head of their division but only had a 1.5 game lead, so I assume the move for Washburn was to round out their starting rotation. The result: Washburn went 1-3 with an ERA of 7.33, a WHIP of 1.56, and a K/BB ratio of 1.3 and at the end of the season retired. Essentially the Tigers gave up promising young pitchers for half a year of bad pitching, and there was nothing to suggest Washburn would be worth the price. Washburn had a career WHIP of 1.3 (average) and a K/BB ratio of 1.93 (below average).

Clearly there is a market for GMs to exploit teams desperate to load up for a playoff run. It may seem, in the short run, that teams like the Tigers and White Sox, both in contention in the AL Central, are better teams as a result of acquisitions to bring in veterans. However, if they continue to sell off their best prospects in order to do so, the team’s long term chances are hindered. On the flip side, Tampa Bay acquired a number of the key players on their current roster by taking advantage of teams who were willing to part with their top prospects for veterans. Tampa Bay acquired Ben Zobrist in 2007 for Aubrey Huff,  Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett in 2007 for Delmon Young, and Sean Rodriguez and Alexander Torres in 2009 for Scott Kazmir.

While not immediately noticeable, a team that can make significant strides towards future success if they are smart leading up to the trade deadline. This year there are two teams that I think can benefit greatly from trades at the deadline, both with a number of highly desired players, the Toronto Blue Jays and the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Toronto Blue Jays

Tradable players: Lyle Overbay (.322 OBP, .736 OPS), Jose Bautista (.366 OBP, .951 OPS), John Buck (.310 OBP, .818 OPS), Kevin Gregg (23 SV), Scott Downs (1.02 WHIP, 2.34 ERA), Jason Frasor (8 HLD, 41 K)

Despite a record of 53-49 the Blue Jays are 12 games back in their division and 10 games behind the Rays (wild card). Baring a miracle finish, they will not make the playoffs this year. However, they have a number of players that playoff bound teams are asking about.

Lyle Overbay is the least likely to be traded. Overbay, a career .359 OBP hitter who averages 32 doubles a season, is the type of 1B or DH that a playoff team would love to have heading into the postseason. However, Overbay is a class A free agent and the Jays will receive two supplemental first round picks if they let him go on the open market rather than via trade. Brett Wallace is the future 1B for the Jays so Overbay won’t be back, the only variable is: draft picks or players?

Jose Bautista has been the hottest player in the league since the All-Star break, and was pretty amazing in the first half as well. A the plate Bautista has a .366 OBP and .951 OPS with 30 HR and 75 RBI, throw in that he is one of the best right fielders in the game and can also play 3B and Bautista is the most desirable batter available this trade deadline. The Blue Jays will have to go through arbitration this offseason with Bautista or re-sign him to a long term contract, which will likely cost more than the Jays are willing to pay. The most likely suitor for Bautista are the Phillies, who are in major buy mode. The Jays will likely demand one of either Domonic Brown or Jonathon Singleton as well as a couple other prospects in the deal and will fill Bautista’s spot in the lineup with Travis Snider.

John Buck was signed in the offseason with little competition from other teams. Buck was signed to a one year $2 million deal and has responded with one of the best seasons of his career. At the end of the season Buck will likely be graded as a class B free agent, which is a sign that they will likely let him walk in the offseason if they don’t trade him. The Reds, Tigers, and Red Sox have shown the most interest in Buck but with both Varitek and Martinez on the DL, Boston seems like the most likely destination in a trade including Scott Downs. It has been rumored that Boston is willing to offer Oscar Tejeda (Boston’s best prospect) for Downs, and if Buck is included in the deal they will likely throw in a few more top prospects.

Finally, Kevin Gregg and Jason Frasor are getting a lot of attention recently from teams that need middle relievers for the playoffs. Kevin Gregg has been solid for the Jays, converting 23 of 27 save opportunities, and Jason Frasor has been a reliable reliever for years. The two are also class B and class A free agents respectively, which will sweeten the deal for the other team.

If the Blue Jays can trade at least 2-3 players and get a wealth of talented prospects back they will set themselves up to be a force in the AL East by the middle of the decade. Instantly Snider, Wallace, and J.P Arencibia will be able to replace the departed bats, with Kyle Draybek and Josh Roenicke replacing the departed pitchers.

Arizona Diamondbacks

Traded: 1) Dan Haren to the LA Angels for Joe Sanders and prospects Rafael Rodriguez, Patrick Corbin, and a player to be named 2) Conor Jackson to the Oakland A’s for Sam Demel

Tradable Players: Edwin Jackson (6-10, no hitter), Chad Qualls (12 SV), Chris Snyder (.351 OBP, .778 OPS), Adam LaRoche (.331 OBP, .779 OPS)

In a little bit less detail this time!

The Diamondbacks are clearly out of contention this year (37-64). However, despite their record the Diamondbacks have some young talent: Upton, Young, Parra, Reynolds, and Montero.  If they can trade a few more veterans for top prospects they might be good in a couple years.

Edwin Jackson has had an off year, with the exception of a no hitter early in the season. However, there are a number of teams who value his arm and see that he has kind of stuff that, if consistent, could make him a top pitcher. Reports are the Nationals want Jackson and are willing to trade Adam Dunn, however it is more likely that the Diamondbacks are going to request one of their younger pitching prospects, Drew Storen of Trevor Holder, in addition.

Chad Qualls and Chris Snyder are two players that GM, Jerry Dipoto, has stated he wants to trade before the deadline. Both will get very little in return with their current production, however they might get a long shot prospect that pans out. It is reported that the Red Sox are after Snyder to shore up their catching, which is missing Varitek and Martinez.

Finally, Adam LaRoche is a veteran bat with a career .341 OBP and .828 OPS, which will likely demand one or two quality prospects from a contending team. The White Sox and Angels are both interested in LaRoche.

With some pieces to build around, namely their outfield of Chris Young; Justin Upton; and Gerardo Parra, the Diamondbacks can take some serious steps towards being competitive if they can get some young talent this trade deadline.

- KC Roberts

Tags: MLB, Trade Deadline